Love Doesn’t Lie: Discerning Spiritual Maturity in Romantic Relationships

We talk a lot about love. We pray for it. Hope for it. Dream of it.
But not enough of us pause to ask: What kind of love am I actually entertaining?

Real love—God-centered love—doesn’t lie. It doesn’t fake faith. It doesn’t mask immaturity behind Scripture quotes or worship playlists. Love, the kind that’s rooted in Christ, carries evidence. And so does spiritual maturity.

I’ve learned that emotional excitement can disguise spiritual immaturity—especially when we’re lonely, healing, or just tired of waiting. But discernment isn’t optional when it comes to your heart. It’s necessary.

Spiritual Maturity Has Fruit, Not Just Feelings

Attraction is great, but it doesn’t sustain a relationship. Maturity shows up in how someone handles conflict, responsibility, forgiveness, and boundaries. It shows up in how they pray—or don’t. How they respond to correction. How they treat people who can’t give them anything.

A person’s spiritual maturity isn’t proven by how loud they praise—it’s seen in how consistent they are when no one’s watching.

The Bible says in Matthew 7:16, “By their fruit you will recognize them.” Not by their charisma. Not by their social media. Not by their ability to say the right things. Fruit tells the truth.

So if you’re asking God to show you the right one, also ask Him to give you eyes to see the signs—both green lights and red flags.

Spiritual Red Flags (Don’t Ignore These)

• Unwillingness to be held accountable
• Always speaking but never listening
• A prayer life that only shows up when it’s convenient
• Using “God told me” language to control, guilt, or rush the relationship
• Inconsistency in their walk with Christ, but consistency in blaming others

Just because someone can reference God doesn’t mean they’re walking with Him.

Spiritual Green Lights (Look for These)

• They pursue God more than they pursue you
• They don’t just talk faith—they live it
• They welcome correction and value accountability
• They lead with humility and grace, not pride or pressure
• They pray for you without needing attention for it

Let me be clear: No one is perfect. Growth is a journey. But if someone claims spiritual maturity, there should be signs of it. Real love doesn’t hide or manipulate. It grows in the light. It makes room for accountability. It honors God in the process.

Check the Soil Before You Water the Plant

Too many people invest in potential. They see a glimpse of spiritual depth and pour everything they’ve got into “what could be,” while ignoring what actually is. The danger in that? You end up trying to fix what only God can transform.

You’re not the Holy Spirit. You’re not their Savior. If you’re doing all the spiritual heavy lifting in the relationship, it’s time to stop and ask: Is this God’s best for me, or am I trying to make it His best?

Let Love Be Honest

You don’t need to be suspicious of everyone, but you do need to be sober.
Love—when it’s real—tells the truth. Not just with words, but with action.
And if you’re praying for someone to walk with you in purpose, make sure they’re already walking with God.

Ask yourself:

• Can we grow together spiritually?
• Do they lead me closer to God—or confuse my connection with Him?
• Is this relationship pushing me into prayer or pulling me away from it?

Love doesn’t lie. But sometimes, our desire for love will lie to us—if we’re not rooted.
Stay prayerful. Stay discerning.
And remember: Spiritual maturity isn’t just attractive—it’s essential.

Pastor Harold

Pastor Harold