Forgiveness is one of the hardest things we are called to do, yet it is at the heart of our faith and our humanity. We often focus on the wrongs done to us, replaying them in our minds, justifying our anger, and sometimes even waiting for an apology that may never come. But here’s the hard truth—just as we have been wronged, we have also wronged others. Somewhere, someone has a story to tell about how we hurt them, whether intentionally or unintentionally.
That’s why forgiveness isn’t optional. It’s a cycle, one we both give and receive. God calls us to forgive as He forgives us—not because the other person necessarily “deserves” it, but because forgiveness frees us. Holding onto resentment only chains us to pain, while letting go releases us into peace.
Why Do We Struggle With Forgiveness?
From a psychological standpoint, forgiveness is difficult because our brains are wired to seek justice. When we are hurt, our natural instinct is to protect ourselves from further harm. According to Dr. Robert Enright, a leading researcher in the psychology of forgiveness, humans have an innate sense of fairness, and when that fairness is violated, our emotions push us toward resentment or revenge. But while justice has its place, unchecked anger and bitterness do more harm to us than to the person who hurt us.
Studies have shown that holding onto grudges increases stress, anxiety, and even physical health problems. Dr. Everett Worthington, a clinical psychologist who has spent decades studying forgiveness, found that those who forgive experience lower blood pressure, better sleep, and improved overall well-being. In other words, forgiving isn’t just a biblical principle—it’s something science confirms is good for us.
What Scripture Says About the Cycle of Forgiveness
Jesus made it clear that forgiveness is a cornerstone of our faith. In Matthew 6:14-15 (NIV), He says:
“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.”
This verse isn’t about earning God’s forgiveness—His grace is freely given. Instead, it’s a reminder that when we withhold forgiveness from others, we block the flow of grace in our own hearts. Unforgiveness hardens us, keeping us stuck in the past and preventing us from moving forward.
Ephesians 4:31-32 (NIV) reinforces this:
“Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
God doesn’t tell us to forgive because it’s easy. He tells us to forgive because it’s necessary for our healing.
Balancing Justice and Mercy
It’s human nature to want fairness. When someone wrongs us, our first instinct is often to demand accountability. And in many cases, justice is appropriate—God is a God of justice, after all. But justice must always be balanced with mercy. If we only focus on what others owe us, we miss the greater call to grace.
Consider the story of Joseph and his brothers (Genesis 50:19-21). Joseph had every reason to hold a grudge. His own brothers betrayed him, selling him into slavery, causing him years of suffering. But when he had the power to punish them, he chose forgiveness instead. He told them:
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.” (Genesis 50:20, NIV)
Joseph saw the bigger picture. He didn’t deny the pain of what happened, but he refused to let it define his future.
Practical Steps to Embracing Forgiveness
If forgiveness feels impossible, start with these steps:
- Acknowledge the Hurt – Forgiveness isn’t pretending something didn’t happen. Recognize what hurt you and how it affected you.
- Shift Your Perspective – Remember that just as you have been hurt, you have also hurt others. Extend the same grace you would want to receive.
- Pray for Strength – Forgiveness is a process, not a one-time event. Ask God for the strength to release the burden.
- Set Boundaries if Needed – Forgiving someone doesn’t mean allowing them to continue hurting you. Sometimes forgiveness includes creating healthy distance.
- Trust God With Justice – Let go of the need to control the outcome. Trust that God sees, knows, and will handle things in His way.
The Power of Letting Go
At the end of the day, forgiveness isn’t about excusing what someone did—it’s about freeing yourself from the weight of the past. It’s about recognizing that God’s grace is big enough to cover not just your sins, but the sins of those who have hurt you.
We are all part of the cycle. We have been wronged, and we have wronged others. But through Christ, we have been forgiven—so how can we not extend that same forgiveness to others?
Today, take a step toward breaking the cycle of bitterness. Choose grace. Choose healing. Choose to forgive.
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