Why Preparing Yourself Matters More Than Praying for Marriage

Before I Prayed for Marriage, I Wish I Had Prepared Myself

Looking back, I realize now — I spent so much time praying for marriage, but not nearly enough time preparing for me. Preparing to truly know myself before standing at an altar with someone else.

Bonding with a spouse is a responsibility, a sacred one. But what I didn’t fully grasp then was that bonding with myself, spiritually and emotionally, was just as necessary. Marriage doesn’t reveal who you are — it exposes who you already are. And if you’ve never taken the time to sit with your own soul, to ask yourself hard questions, to let God show you your heart when no one else is watching — then marriage will become a mirror you aren’t ready to look into.

I wish I had the discernment back then to turn my prayers inward. To ask God to teach me who I was outside of anyone else’s expectations. To understand what made me feel seen, valued, whole — not as a husband, not as a provider, but simply as me.

Spiritually, I knew how to serve. I knew how to love. But did I know how to stand alone in God’s presence and still feel worthy? Emotionally, I knew how to show up for others. But did I know how to sit with my own pain and not run from it?

I wish I had learned how to please God in seasons of calm, not just in storms. To know who I was when life was good — and more importantly, to know who I was when I failed God, like Peter did. Because the truth is, we don’t come to know God’s mercy when we get everything right. We meet Him intimately in the moments we fall apart.

Now, as a divorced man still healing, I have a different prayer. Not for marriage, not for restoration of what was — but for wholeness within me. I’m learning that healing isn’t just about grieving the end of a relationship; it’s about confronting the parts of myself I once ignored. It’s about seeing the brokenness I carried into the marriage and asking God to heal that too.

I’m learning to sit in God’s presence without asking for a blessing attached to someone else — but asking for the blessing of knowing who I am when no one else is around. I want to know the man God always intended me to be, not just the version of me shaped by my roles — husband, father, provider, pastor. Just me.

I still believe in love. I still believe in partnership. But today, I believe most in the power of becoming whole before sharing that wholeness with someone else. And that’s a lesson I learned the hard way — but thank God I’m still learning.

Pastor Harold

Pastor Harold